Oh hang on, Christmas has been and gone. But I was dreaming of a white one (better than a wet one), and my dream come true. [Next time: California Dreamin'!]

Off I trotted to the mountains of Takayama in Gifu-ken, way out yonder. Next thing, a cold snap…snap your fingers and va va voom, a good ole smattering. Godsmacking, in fact. Knee high for heaven’s sake!
Christmas in Japan is all about the decorations…and, er, that’s about it. Not even soft in the middle. Nothing in the middle. We roll out of the futon in the glorious ryokan (big, big o-susume) half-expecting everyone to be wearing Santa-san hats and waving mistletoe about like nobody’s business, but not even a holly-embroidered kimono. Not even so much as a ‘Meri kuri’ (‘Merry Christmas’ in Japanese)! How shockingu! Needless to say I didn’t manage to pluck up the courage to ask if they served mince pies as I munched through the sushi and shabu shabu for dinner.

But, oh! How wunderbar! Bar unhumbug, I love the J-Crimble! Giz a kiss!

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Bleary eyed but bushy tailed, the journey started with the shink to Nagoya.  Don’t know why, but if Tokyo is like London and Osaka is like Manchester, then Nagoya is like Birmingham. Except the curry isn’t as good in Nagoya. Obviously.

A series of rickety trains oop norf, ending with a quaintly but inaptly named ‘one man locomotive’ (ワンマン車), took us to the wilds of a place called Shiojiri. Look closely at the kanji…塩尻. To quote John McEnroe, “You can’t be serious!!!” Why? Because literally translated, it means ’salty arse’!!! Obviously crudity control never reached such northern parts.

Hiring a car, we got wheels and headed for the middle of nowhere in pitch black darkness. Forsaking any temptation to tell ghost stories that might’ve ended in tears, we wound up in a remote corner of Yamanashi-ken, staying in a picturesque log cabin in the forest. Catching the tail end of a typhoon, the pouring rain makes it all the more atmosheric when you’re all tucked up under the futon.

Ventured out into an adventure the next day.

THE MOUNTAINS!

Upper case letters could never warrant the grandiosity of the Japan Alps. Heavens above, it was like being in heaven, or watching it from above. Made the Scottish Grampions seem feeble. Supersize me, please! Seriously, I’d been so used to seeing the regular Japanese mountains, that I was under the impression they were all like that. Think again. And what was that? Only Mount Fuji in the distance.

The Japan Alps, then. The natural way to get high.

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Famous in the winter for its snow festival (-lots C thats not for me!) the summer offers both motorbikers and cyclists lots of adventure and wide open roads to breeze down and find that cool peaceful spot to take a moment and reflect of life or simply drink in the scenery.

You can get to Hokkaido from Osaka in a couple of ways: air, train or ferry. Here is a discussion of good advice about getting to Hokkaido. Cyclists might want to take a look at this post in particular.

I’m taking the Shin Nihonkai ferry (English) which goes from Maizuru to Otaru. I booked over the phone (06-6345-2921 only Japanese), and together with a scooter the return trip, including a 10% return discount) was Y26,000!

Cool! However the ferry leaves at 12.30am and arrives at 8pm the same day, so I don’t know about you but I don’t fancy starting my camping trip at night so I decided to spend the first night in a hotel. I did a lot of research but actually it was difficult to find many hotels in Otaru – Sapporo is about 1.5h away and I didn’t fancy driving there after a grueling ferry journey so I tried to find a hotel in Otaru – there are several but because it was Obon most were already approaching capacity even a month before. So, I wish I’d found this site which has a lot of hotel comparisons and makes booking hotels in Japan easy!

Anyways, I found a good deal through there and now have the first night’s accommodation sorted out. Now all I have to do is dust off my tent and pack all my stuff for the trip!

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 Yes, it’s summer, and yes it’s time to blatantly ignore all the social pressure to not take time off work and go on a damn good holiday for goodness’ sake.

Different cultures have different soundbites, like “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” but Godliness in Japan means “Fight! Fight! Like a samurai, do not give up at any expense”, even if it means never resting yer weary sword. Put it down once in a while, me ole bean, it’s OK.

(Japan is very clean too, though, it has to be said.)

Anyhooo…

Without any qualms, off I jetted down to the deep south and made a beeline straight for one of my favourite places ever: Okinawa. Specifically: Ishigaki-jima.

I’d already been to Okinawa-honto (the main island, home of Naha), and expected it to be on a par.

Wrong!

The main town, Ishigaki-shi, is charming enough in itself with it’s little wharf and old men playing traditional Okinawan instruments in the moonlight next to lobster pots. But once you get outside, it’s a relative metropolis and it makes you realise that, comparitively at least, you’ll never need the tack of Kokusai-dori in Naha ever again.

We hired a car and did a loop-de-loop of the island, giddy with excitement. It’s like a treasure trove…isolated lighthouses; deserted sandy coves; hermit crabs a-go-go; go-go dancers (just kidding) and sunsets to die for.

But the real jewel in the crown is Iriomote-jima. I’d never even heard of if before, and was put off by the odd reading of the Chinese characters in the name. (Reads as 西表島 for all you kanji buffs…who came up with that one?) Lying in the very southern-most part of Japan and only accessible to by boat, it is practically in Taiwan.  

EXOTIC!!!

Fell in love with the place. You’d never believe you were in Japan in a month of unpaid overtime Sundays.

Get this:

* Unmanned fruit stalls, where payment is based on trust.

* Peach-flavoured pineapples. (I jest you not!)

* Coral reeves with iridescent fish…like swimming in a gigantic tropical fish tank

* Beaches with star-shaped grains of sand. (oh Mr. Jester, this is getting serious)

* Seaweed soup that looks like saturated green cotton wool.

* JUNGLE!!! Yes, cruise through the mangrove full of frightening-looking plants and frightening-sounding squawking animals.

Bloody ace! If Japan is like Britain, then the Channel Islands need to have a climate change to live up to this. An absolute must for anyone who loves Japan. 

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 Oh what a trip to go on a trip back to the UK after a long, long time.
 
I think I fell back in love with my roots, going back to the source as it were.
 
In Japan, people are infatuated with the myth of the English Gentleman. I’ve never met one myself, but I’d love to because I love the notion. Try walking around a council estate for a stark slap in the face of greasy reality.
 
Yes, the food! Sooo heavy!
 
Some people ask about cream teas. I ventured up to the Yorkshire Dales and literally got my teeth stuck (in) on one. Carried away with the sheer idea of sheer indulgence, coupled with my friend egging me on with phrases like “Go on, treat y’self, luv”, I made myself feel thoroughly nauseous. That’ll teach me, gah.
 
One thing’s for sure, though, the British really do love their nice cup of tea. I know I’m partial to a nice drop of houji-cha and genmai-cha when the opportunity presents itself, but, really,the cuppa is king.
 
Oh, and I know this might sound ridiculous, but I got quite a ‘thing’ about Big Ben! Never realised it before, but it’s amazing! Up close and personal, as well as from afar, completely amazing.
 
I’ll tell you what else is completely amazing. SUNDAY LUNCH. OMG!
 
And breakfast cereal. Kind of.
 
And hummus.
 
Not really fish n chips, though.
 
Or the weather.
 
Or the pomp n pride.

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Winter vacation: Manila, I heart Philippines

Weather: hot

Reaction: thumbs up

Key phrase: “Here in the Philippines…”

Key question: “How’s my driving?” (bloody awful, mate)

Pardon?: “Come again, sir?”

Breakfast treat: champorados (chocolate-flavoured glutinous rice porridge)

Breakfast untreat: champorados with sardines

Not far behind it: purple salted duck eggs

Culinary freak-out: soft-boiled chicken embryos (completely fowl, boom boom)

Street treachery:　tricycles (lawnmower-engine motorbikes with loosely attached sidecars…makes Bankok’s tuktuks look like they could pass health and safety with flying colours)

Not far behind it: people hanging out of jeepneys (ex-U.S. military trucks painted with grafitti-esque Catholic imagery which serve as buses)

Beware: potholes

Shopping shocker: being greeted at the shopping mall by a guard with (yes) a machine gun

Shopping extravaganza: Mall of Asia (no surprises from the name, the biggest mall in Asia. Oooh, me achin’ bones)

Staple: mangoes with yer mangoes, including (of all sacrelidges) mango sushi

Unescapable: Jollibee burgers (no mango burgers, though)

Undiscernable spelling: the Philippines Vs Filipinos

ちょっとビックリ: マニラ空港の足マッサージの人は「マイドーオーキニ」と言いました！！！

Happy New Year: Me (to room service): ” How did you spend your New Year?” Room service (to me): “Igniting 3 bottles of butane.”

2008 off with a bang, then.

Alternatively if you don’t fancy the excitement of the peens then you could always try cabin rentals in idaho. Idaho vacations Offer you the great outdoors at a reasonable price and convience. If you’re ski mad then there is still a chance to get on the piste at jackson hole skiing resort which has fine slopes and snow.

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