Punk rock Japanese breakfast

I know this might be enough to have most Japanese people up in arms, but I really do have to sing the praises of natto toast.

Especially in Kansai, people are usually sent squirming by the mere mention of the word natto itself, let alone the idea of serving it on toast. That’s almost unthinkable, almost blasphemous. 

One has to retort by saying that these days we commonly see the likes of curry udon and seaweed pasta weasling their way into the mainstream. So why the hell not?

OK, so it goes like this.

First, get yer natto all gooey and stringy by mixing it up in the usual way with yer chopstix, but (don’t whince) throw in a dollop of mayonnaise for good measure. That’ll be sure to get you all stringy and stenching to high heaven, Mr. Sticky Fingers.

Next, smear it (dontcha just love that word?!) all over a thick piece of J-style bread. Yeah, push it right into the corners, there’s something really satisfying about that. Give that Delia Smith woman a good ole run for her money.

And then slap on a nice slice of cheapy processed cheezu. Right on top like that, and then grill it in your little toaster oven. Preferably your toaster oven will have pictures of Kitty-chan or Miffy-chan on it, cos they love natto toast. They told me.

You might find that your kitchen closely resembles the smell of various unwashed things at this point, but like, who gives, especially when you’re shooting for shock value to the hilt.

Like, who died in the kitchen?

…could be one of the questions you’re faced with as a result of the nasal onslaught.

So now the only thing left to do is eat the ruddy thing. Act all prissy, and cut it into four neat little squares while peering over a pair of librarian bi-focals, and sprinkle with a spot of pepper and a squeeze of ketchup on the side.

It might be the most attention-seeking breakfast you’ll ever have, but it couldn’t come more stinking with praise.