Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

 Slapbang in the middle of the city near to where I work, there’s this huge pedestrian crossing thingy-me-jig. Although there are nice zebra stripes painted on the road and flashing little green men to assist the pedestrians in their bid not to get run over, there is a set of the politest, most adorable employees you’re ever likely to meet this side of a boy scout lending a hand to your dear old grandma’ma making her way across the street.

What do you mean, “what do I mean”?

Well, they all stand there in several layers of industrial uniform under the blazing summer heat, just smiling at people who accumulate, waiting to cross the road. They must be either psychically connected or hot-wired to the traffic lights, because exactly 10 seconds before the lights change (how do they know?!) they state in an ever-so-courteously raised voice, “We humbly require your patience for a further few moments; please prepare for the lights to change.”

Then while you’re venturing over to the other side, they stand in a perfect scarecrow pose in the middle of the crossing, poised with white gloves and a smile, ushering everyone on their way nicely. When the lights are about to change back to red, they wave their arms about a bit and come over all dramatic as if you’re about to lose out on a multi-million lottery jackpot, not a pair of knitted knickers on a game of bingo or anything. All of this is interjected with as much bowing as you can humanly muster. Very important, that. The whole shebang is completely fabulous.

You’d be kind of hard pushed to come up with a job title for that one on your C.V., wouldn’t you?! Hmmm…how about bowing pedestrian usher?